The Blog on the Street

3rd April 2019

In a bid to slip into the sandal of Christian charity, I have recently started taking myself on a wander about town of a Saturday night as a Street Pastor. Perhaps you know of them. Perhaps they helped you out in your local town when the night has a grip upon the wear of your heal? Perhaps you’ve just said hello while passing along the thoroughfare and asked for a lollipop. You can do that by the way, we’re well down with doling those out.

Continue reading “The Blog on the Street”

Odds On, Blogs Off

20th March 2019

What makes a good song? I’d say its about the time of day, the melody, lyrics, voice, arrangements and some warm, lo-fi production. Mostly though it’s the time of day, as the rest of it you’ll find deployed amongst the music that you already deem decent enough to bother with. And I’ll be honest, in terms of actually understanding music, past having some moves on the egg shakers I’m less than familiar with any instrument.

I have moved a lot of instruments around though, from my days working the concert hall. Good days. I once ran a spanking new Steinway over a live extension cable during performance time; hat’s off to those piano makers, once you get the vast weight of a grand piano moving, those tiny wheels work like greased lightning.

I got locked on the stage one night too. Having performed a faultless stage move, I was locked on the stage by a workmate. He laughed at me being stuck in there with eight hundred and more punters through his monitor. To be fair to the context of the situation, he did that because earlier in the day, about lunchtime, he’d discovered that I’d electric taped up his rucksack which contained his lunch, and thrown it into row H of the raised seating.

Continue reading “Odds On, Blogs Off”

Bloggom and Gomorrah

23rd February 2019

So I just got savagely overtaken by an Audi. You know the deal. It was one of those steroidal Audi’s that started life as a Volkswagen Passat, then got all dressed up in a puffa jacket and garish trainers, hot for either track or A road. I can live with the overtaking, but what’s with the chip on their shoulders? Is it that deep down in the bowls of their turbochargers, Audi’s know that they are the children of Volkswagens and not the offspring of Bavarian Motor Works?

Regardless, I was left sucking tail pipes.

While I’m on one with the cars though, I will just crowbar a moment of your time to let you know that I recently categorised each of the four gospels according to their corresponding supercar. We shall do them in correct order; Continue reading “Bloggom and Gomorrah”

Back on the Blog

9th February 2019

Okay … let’s see if this old engine still runs. Going to have to drag it off the bench where it’s been left with some old tarpaulin for cover. It might have forgotten how to work but there’s still a veneer of fuel left in the tank, enough to pump through if we can find the little teat? They’re always hidden away in some crevice that you forget about. Best give a good few presses as well because that carburettor is not going to want to join in unless it really has no choice. All good? Then let us pray, then pull the cord.

So what’s it like to survive being born again to Christianity? Well, if that cord pulls true then we’ll know, but in the meantime I’ve got some field notes for you. Continue reading “Back on the Blog”

Too Big for its Blogge

24th June 2018

I hold a record! As of last Saturday it is possible that I am the most acupunctured man in England, certainly the most that that particular practitioner has ever used. But then I did tell her to shove them anywhere if it helps. I was in the fallout of a terrible injury to my arm and hand and shoulders following a fallout with my lawnmower as to whether or not it was going to start. It did but my goodness it was angry about it. I’ve actually spent more money in repairing myself from the mower than it cost me to buy that wretched self drive first place. It was too big for the gardening round that was its task. It was too big for its boots. It has been retired.

But I’m back off the bench and my shoulders feel great. Well, they’re alright, but they were great just after all the prickly business. Anna asked me how I felt when she came to pick me up and I said I felt good enough to punch a tree. She told me that she was driving us home. Continue reading “Too Big for its Blogge”

At The Gates of Blog

2nd June 2018

Brothers, Sisters, Gardeners, and Most of the rest of you… isn’t the weather fabulous? I just very recently finished the final draft of The Brine in Me, so that’s exciting and will very soon be away to the proofers. They’ll be looking for errors, and they’ll be livid if they don’t find any. Luckily I always leave them satisfied. But I want to talk-this-shit real, if that’s correct. I want to go out to the garden. It has been a cussed winter on this island, like the brakes couldn’t be left off, similar to when I’m barrelling down Long Mountain on a Thursday afternoon in my estate car. Perhaps that’s the bigger picture, we could get through winter quicker but we risk puncturing a hedgerow and rolling down to the base of the valley, thus effectively going back into winter as far as your bank account is concerned. But we’re through that, so let’s think about spring.

I’m sorry, I have to interrupt because the screen that I’m writing on has gone a little green. Just now. I’m going to play with the cables, then if that’s not it I’ll have to bugger off for a while so I can get cross and upset. Hold on. Continue reading “At The Gates of Blog”

No Holds Blogged

5th May 2018

So here’s the thing about publishing novels from the independent end of the pier, if you’ll indulge me my understanding of it. You have to recognise that you are not Conor McGregor (Joanne Harris), living it big time all over Las Vegas, then smearing your competition across the floor and heading off with a snow leopard tailored around your shoulders. You’re just some guy (JW Bowe) hanging around the back end of a pub car park looking for a fight, trying to hustle people over and see if they’ll throw some coins down on the disabled parking space where you’ve thrown yours, then get down to it, Roadhouse style. Continue reading “No Holds Blogged”

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