The Lord of the Sheds

For reasons that might be either a fall back into a standard position, or else a guiding light of existence, my dad has always been building sheds. You could do a quick panorama of any piece of turf that he has owned, spot one, and then if you performed another turn there’d be a fair chance that another one will have gone up. If you really wanted to test his credulity, well… you’d just end up giving in after the first dozen or so turns.

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Blog. the Scent of Enlightenment, by Buddha ™

10th August 2019

My wife and I were drugged by a Buddhist monk once. For reals. Apparently he was enlightened but we only had his word to go on about that. I can say for certain that he was a decent business man because he sold us some of his home brew jazz cd’s while we were there (he was a local business man of the year). That was after the scented tea drug (he was a local business man of the year). Afterwards I drove home across the country with a headache. Part of the way home from the tranquility garden that we’d gone to visit, I said to Anna that I was thinking of bloody driving back to said monk to say that if he’s in the market for popping enlightenment then I’m sure that such drugs already exist. Unless enlightenment is supposed to feel like a headache. Years earlier I’d hung out around the fringes of Das Western Buddhist Order and generally found enlightening to be no more harmful than it was a hassle. Anyway that tea was dreadful to drive under, like an endless Blob Dildo anthem blasting from a puja circle within the oscillations of my mind-brain. I couldn’t even have a go on the worry beads he’d flogged us because I was busy with the steering wheel. Ridiculous.

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The Blog on the Street

3rd April 2019

In a bid to slip into the sandal of Christian charity, I have recently started taking myself on a wander about town of a Saturday night as a Street Pastor. Perhaps you know of them. Perhaps they helped you out in your local town when the night has a grip upon the wear of your heal? Perhaps you’ve just said hello while passing along the thoroughfare and asked for a lollipop. You can do that by the way, we’re well down with doling those out.

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Bloggom and Gomorrah

23rd February 2019

So I just got savagely overtaken by an Audi. You know the deal. It was one of those steroidal Audi’s that started life as a Volkswagen Passat, then got all dressed up in a puffa jacket and garish trainers, hot for either track or A road. I can live with the overtaking, but what’s with the chip on their shoulders? Is it that deep down in the bowls of their turbochargers, Audi’s know that they are the children of Volkswagens and not the offspring of Bavarian Motor Works?

Regardless, I was left sucking tail pipes.

While I’m on one with the cars though, I will just crowbar a moment of your time to let you know that I recently categorised each of the four gospels according to their corresponding supercar. We shall do them in correct order; Continue reading “Bloggom and Gomorrah”

Back on the Blog

9th February 2019

Okay … let’s see if this old engine still runs. Going to have to drag it off the bench where it’s been left with some old tarpaulin for cover. It might have forgotten how to work but there’s still a veneer of fuel left in the tank, enough to pump through if we can find the little teat? They’re always hidden away in some crevice that you forget about. Best give a good few presses as well because that carburettor is not going to want to join in unless it really has no choice. All good? Then let us pray, then pull the cord.

So what’s it like to survive being born again to Christianity? Well, if that cord pulls true then we’ll know, but in the meantime I’ve got some field notes for you. Continue reading “Back on the Blog”

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