At The Gates of Blog

2nd June 2018

Brothers, Sisters, Gardeners, and Most of the rest of you… isn’t the weather fabulous? I just very recently finished the final draft of The Brine in Me, so that’s exciting and will very soon be away to the proofers. They’ll be looking for errors, and they’ll be livid if they don’t find any. Luckily I always leave them satisfied. But I want to talk-this-shit real, if that’s correct. I want to go out to the garden. It has been a cussed winter on this island, like the brakes couldn’t be left off, similar to when I’m barrelling down Long Mountain on a Thursday afternoon in my estate car. Perhaps that’s the bigger picture, we could get through winter quicker but we risk puncturing a hedgerow and rolling down to the base of the valley, thus effectively going back into winter as far as your bank account is concerned. But we’re through that, so let’s think about spring.

I’m sorry, I have to interrupt because the screen that I’m writing on has gone a little green. Just now. I’m going to play with the cables, then if that’s not it I’ll have to bugger off for a while so I can get cross and upset. Hold on.

Fixed it! I put some Van Morrison on to get me in a decent mood and when I returned to throttle some cables, it was all better. I fucking love the springtime. Perhaps it was Moondance that fixed the problem, what with it being a double thumbs up album and everything. It’s not one that I reached for much during work on The Brine in Me, and it is no Astral Weeks, which tickles my sweet spot like nothing since Moomin Valley, but it’s packed with your attention.

I’m not very good at writing blogs. I like writing long form stuff with proper arcs and all the gravy. I don’t know what I’m doing here, where I can’t just make something up and run with it for a hundred and twenty thousand more words. By the end of that I’ve usually found the shaft and crown of what I was trying to reach, but I know that you’re after the thrust pretty quickly with a blog. Perhaps if you feel that this going badly, or else is in poor taste, we can agree and I’ll assure that this sets you up perfectly to get along with something like The Meifod Claw instead.

In the meantime here’s some bad things that I have done in life.

I threw a kick into a friends’ shin when I first bought my one and only pair of Dr Martens. Really got him with that thick rubber bumper that they have. My friend started to cry and felt I felt really bad. I still do, and I didn’t keep my good Doctors.

I threw a rock pear into the face of a friends’ brother. It was going to happen because there was a gang of us adolescents and we were all playing the rock pear game. I’d already got a dead leg, but I leathered that pear into his face and it exploded everywhere. I was proud of my aim but customarily upset.

I threw a bail of hay off the top step of a hay barn and it hit a farmhand. Well, he wasn’t a farmhand as much as the fella who looked after most of a farm. He went fucking livid. Couldn’t catch me through those bales, though. But he didn’t deserve that, the guy was goal keeper for Wales at the weekends for goodness sake. He threw a bucket of water over me the next time that I saw him so perhaps all is fair on that score and it needn’t have been mentioned?

I threw a bucket of water over a cousin. I’m sorry about that. It was at least in the summertime.

On occasion I used to give horses a dead leg at the stable. It made them look stupid but it was still well out of order.

I would also like to confess that I have just finished the final draft of The Brine in Me. It is off to go through the proof-o-matica for a little while now, and some other stuff, but after that … I’ll read through it all again to be honest, but then it can be thrown like a bucket of water into the public. You are as welcome as I am humbled.

Magnolia, let me rest under the shade of your leaf…

JW Bowe xx

If you enjoyed this blog, and you’re impatient for something else to read, feel free to bunch up close to a free sample chapter from JW Bowe’s debut novel, The Meifod Claw, which is available now at AmazoniTunes and on various other international eReaders.

You can also double up your sampling by following this link to the forthcoming fictional autobiography of The Meifod Claw’s wheelchair-in-chief, Derek Gainsborough. His life and apologies will be released this year under the sail of The Brine in Me.

JW Bowe can also be unearthed on YouTube and in various other ways through the Serious Biscuits homepage. Scroll down for further links, action and disclaimers.

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