Pull the Other One it’s got Blogs On

20th January 2018

I’ve been revving up an idea, letting it back down again and editing it into some kind of order. I want to be able to talk about writing process, but in a manner that isn’t… y’know. For that purpose, JWB PLC has been created. I’ll talk about process, licking your monitor, and how to correctly delete a paragraph of your draft. It’s in videovision and is available for your brain at a click of a link. I don’t know where that link is, it might be below this or right down in the gallows of the page. I don’t control everything that you see before you, which is actually one of the more interesting things about writing make-believe fiction. I feel like I’m doing my best to not dictate to you, rather I’m aiming for the tone that lets you do most of the creation. To be completely honest, you have to have near total dictatorial control to get to that point, but that’s the yin-yangery of it all, which is why I’d say you have to counter intuit yourself into the belly of the beast.

However, because counter intuition is only two words, regardless of how you spell check it, I’ve thrown in a load of other details about writing in JWB PLC to fill in the time. I’d hate to take up less than half an hour of your day. You are welcome.

I just saw a massive Bullfinch out of the window. Why do they always look like they’ve been on the sauce?

While we’re on the bird life, I’ll leave you with a full transcript of conversation that I got drawn into with Arthur Wapkaplitt while trying to record the very podcasters manifesto that I’ve been talking about. He’s an appalling distraction.

Arthur: John. Our steam cleaner has developed a leak from the water filler compartment. I don’t have any silicone, or putty or stuff like that but I have some Cheddar cheese. Do you think that the Cheddar will work until the morning when Screwfix opens? Thanks.

John: Arthur: How much cheese have you wedged? Have you tried Bullion?

Arthur: I haven’t tried any yet. I have about 200 grams but it’s only a small hole so I should only need a wee bit. You mean gold bullion? Should I heat that up? Can’t see that working as it will melt the plastic compartment, even with water in it. If I can’t fix it, I’m going to put it outside for the birds to sit on. Stand on. They don’t sit do they, birds? But then they don’t have much weight to support so they don’t need to sit. Their legs get a rest when they fly, I suppose.

John: But when the birds are flying, their wings get all achey. Have you thought about shoving a Tit into the steam cleaner?

Arthur: But they repel water…

John: Then you’ve got a problem. Can you manage to leave the floor alone until the morning? I understand that you’re keen. You could try pressing the Diamatron button, if it has one? Actually, hold on, I don’t know if that’s the button to clean up the mess or make one …

Arthur: I’ve pressed everything and it still leaks. I’m going to have to clean the floor with petrol again tonight and get this thing fixed in the morning.

John: Better to be clean than safe. I’ve just finished my design for some winter tyre attachments. It’s a clean 13mm attachment to the chassis of basically any car. From my drawings it looks fucking amazing.

Arthur: You gonna be a millionaire, Johnny! We need to get some snow …

So here’s to the end of winter. About a week ago I was up Long Mountain gardening and the old wind bags were going off like spring was ready to come rip us a new one. It wasn’t just the wind, either. I could feel it in the foliage.

Give my regards to the Captain of The Guards
JW Bowe xx

P.S! Anna urges me to point out that it’s snowing heavily outside. I told her no, it’s spring time. She said look out of the window. Oh dear.

If you enjoyed this blog, and you’re impatient for something else to read, feel free to bunch up close to a free sample chapter from JW Bowe’s debut novel, The Meifod Claw, which is available now at Amazon, iTunes and on various other international eReaders.

You can also double up your sampling by following this link to the forthcoming fictional autobiography of The Meifod Claw’s wheelchair-in-chief, Derek Gainsborough. His life and apologies will be released next year under the sail of The Brine in Me.

JW Bowe can also be unearthed on YouTube and in various other ways through the Serious Biscuits homepage. Scroll down for further links, action and disclaimers.

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