I saw a car on my way across the country yesterday that was called Note. I know, I know; you think that sounds far fetched, even for this kind of a blog. It’s true though… Nissan Note.
Of course we all know that car names are ultimately facial and needless adornments, it’s just that if you’re going to play the game and have a go, you should attempt a proper swing. Mistral, Phaeton, 146, 535i, Jetta. These are real car names and we’ve lived with them amicably for almost generations. Note, Kuga (!), Juke, Duster, Jetta; these are not real car names, and we can’t go on like this. We can do better, even if that means doing better at being worse. There’s no middle ground with taste; you either is, or you aren’t trying hard enough.
So what can be done?
Fear not, I’ve packed a plan. You want me to un-pack it? Seriously? Say so if you do because I’ve only just got it folded away. So be it. Hold on a second… I’ve been jotting down new-better-worse names for your favourite brands of iron. Quite why Range Rover don’t already use Contract as a name I am unsure. Same goes for Forecast and Sequester. However I plan to find out; and perhaps in so doing become a part time employed Name Diviner for them. They’ve got a plant out at Telford, and I could make it that far. Maybe borrow one of the show models for weekends. No, not the diesel; that big V12 automatic in the corner. I could do that if they needed.
I shall be writing to all of the major manufacturers over the coming weeks and informing them of their errors as well as the fresh names that will lead them back to the fold of the public. Before I go any further I ought to check that Ford aren’t already making the Ghetto. No, they’re not are they. Of course not, they haven’t even got round to making the Penitence yet. Idiots. I know that Fiat have already toyed with the Fiat Souvenir but memories are short these days and I reckon I can snare them back to that one. They’ve all got it coming anyway. I’ll post any replies that are not threatening, even if they’re dull.
Maybe you’ll be overtaken by the Skoda Diaspora on the motorway one day. If so, you’ll know who to thank.
So what else is going on out there in the world? Everything I would guess, same as always. If you know of anyone who is getting up to anything else then let me know. Check their statutory rights first though, I’m not being responsible for where this could lead. Perhaps you could just drop us a line and let us know if you’re enjoying the website. If you’re not enjoying it I have no idea what you’re doing here. Go do something else. Time is precious, just ask Jim Croce.
There never seems to be enough time to do the things you want to do once you find them.
JW Bowe xx
P.S. Anna urges me to point out that the Range Rover Brigadier is a far better name than any of the above mentioned. Brigadier is hers. Tough to argue. It’d be great to see the Rover Neckerchief roll off the line as well.